from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
