had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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