it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
We got so high we made milksteak
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
