Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
