I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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