I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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