Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
