He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
