did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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