Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
