the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
