your thong is hanging out like whoa
I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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