You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
