Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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