Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
