I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
