Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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