Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
