hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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