I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
