when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
