i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Drunk is a universal language darling
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
