Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
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he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
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The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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