Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize