you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
