I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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