she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Come share oat with me in your robe
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
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