I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
