i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
