Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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