At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
