mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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