Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
