I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Randomize
