Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
