Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
