why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
