Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Randomize
