Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
