We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
