dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
pop tarts are not kleenex
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i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
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Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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