I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
