1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
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I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
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Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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