You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
