and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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