I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
