I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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