We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
