I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
