glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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