This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
