census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
