it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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