Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
