So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
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you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
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Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
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