We got so high we made milksteak
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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