mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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