whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
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