somebody snuck up and got me drunk
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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