I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
