First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Randomize
