I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
3pm strippers are depressing
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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