Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
