I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
