I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
either way he was missing a nipple.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Randomize
