wat bout pragnant strippers??
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
