Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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