Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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