I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
