its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
