R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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