The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
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Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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